Suffering Is Optional

So there’s this boy..

And hes rude and obnoxious and kind of a bully sometimes. He makes terrible decisions and I usually want to punch him in the face. He isn’t really attractive.. At all.. And most people see him as the funny-kid-that-no-one would-ever-actually-date type of guy.

But for some reason, I can’t help but have a soft spot in my heart for him. I know that deep down he’s one of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet, he just has a hard time showing it. Probably has something to do with the fact that he knows girls see him as just a friend.. That’s never a good feeling.

But I can never tell if this soft spot is really a soft spot or if it’s something more… I always get myself wondering whether I actually like him or not..

It feels like I like him.. But I could never see myself dating him, kissing him, doing anything like that with him..

So I came to a conclusion. And that is that I care about him. And I want more than anything to make him happy. And maybe I do genuinely like him, but I think most of it is that I like making him feel loved. Or I want to.. Subconsciously.. Simply because I know how it feels to wait and wonder if anyone will ever like you. And I know how good it feels to finally find someone that does. And I want him to feel that.

My heart tells me to like him, but my mind knows better. You can’t like someone out of pity. And I’m pretty sure that’s what I’m doing. But then again I can’t help thinking that if it was really pity I’d be able to get over it faster ..

I always find myself in this conflict. I like guys that no one else does. I need to stop, my heart can’t always work for other people. I need to start finding someone that can work for mine.

Mmmm

I fall so easily, but I don’t fall hard. Got them butterflies again, but they’ll leave just as quickly as they came.